Being a leader in a very regimental organisation requires the individual to maintain discipline and order. This would, in turn, trigger some sort of punishments if any lower ranked individuals were to break or ignore any regulations set by higher authority.

Being a leader myself, I always had the thought of giving such punishments but somehow deep in me, I feel awkward and wrong. Having to shout at trainees for whatever reason will make me feel uneasy. Maybe because I have never been yelled at before. I swear, for as long as I can remember, the only person who laid his hands on me was my Dad. No one else; not even Mom. Mom would scold and nag but she will keep her hands to herself.

Somehow, I feel weird to be in such position. I have to maintain discipline by punishment if rules are broken but at the same time, I would feel bad punishing these group of people.

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A little update about myself. Recently, I wasn't myself due to mixed emotions I encountered. I still am now but I will try not to show it to people around me and not let it get in my way or disrupt me of my duties at work.

And obviously, I need cash. What's new huh??

Troubled Child signing out..